Foolproof Weeble Wobble DUI Defense

Posted February 21st, 2012 by Leah R with No Comments
They grow them differently in Port St. Lucie.  Evidently they grow them bigger there too.  Last week a classy baby was pulled over by what was clearly an overzealous police officer.  This officer claims he pulled this pretty lady over for speeding and swerving over lines in the roadway and suspected she may have had one too many glasses of communion wine at her local church revival (No not really.  My guess is there is and hasn’t been church involved for a while).  It’s clear Officer Friendly pulled this young lass over because he wanted to get a bird’s eye view of her goods located on the top shelf.  Upon stopping Magnificent Maureen and requesting that she perform field sobriety exercises he was stonewalled with the response of, “hell no not with these … not with [her] big boobies!”  Upon request by a second officer (Uh huh,  clearly they had the whole squad out there to watch this vision of beauty) to do field sobriety exercises Maureen very eloquently explained the threshold issue preventing her participation to the Officer in that he “needed to understand that she is big chested.”
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Aside from the massive mammary issue (kind of), Maureen tried to explain to the local officers that she suffered two apparent injuries that would inhibit her performance.  Whiplash…  And if you guessed BIG BREASTS you are correct in your guess of her response and you win NOTHING!  It was unreported as to whether one injury participated in the cause for the other.  When it was clear this poor woman’s pleas for mercy would fall on deaf ears, Ms. Maureen Raymond did the only thing she thought would help.  She danced.  She danced like no one was watching and was willing to love as if she could never be hurt!
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Again, these harassing officers refused to cut her a break and ultimately took Ms. Raymond downtown.
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Ultimately Maureen was asked, as all are, to perform a breath test.  Here is where she really got screwed.  These officers asked her to blow while she was praying!!  When requested, Maureen kindly declined stating that God comes first.  What the hell?  Can’t this woman exercise her freedom of religion like every other American?  Maybe she had been at communion after all.
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Time will tell if her “defenses” are successful as her case progresses.
If you’ve been charged with a DUI and need a better defense than Miss Maureen, call the attorneys at The Mayberry Law Firm at 727-771-3847.

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